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Missing Baby?

December 30, 2011

This morning, I came across this Nativity scene. It made me think of my mother's Nativity Scenes and I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

Nativity

Upon closer inspection, something looked off.

Nativity

That Baby Jesus is way too big for this Mary and Joseph.

Nativity

Holy toledo! Deputy Fife, call the Sheriff! I think we've found our missing Baby Jesus. Look! He fits!

Nativity

I crack me up when I'm not glum.

Andrew

December 30, 2011

One year ago today, my baby number three walked into the house and clearly, something was wrong. He looked like his best friend had just died. He had obviously been crying. I got that horrible feeling of dread. OMG! What. Happened?

His best friend did die.

I held him as he sobbed uncontrollably and he let me. He probably hasn't run to me crying since he was like 3 1/2 months old. This was big.

Having been so close to death so many times myself, I know first hand what his family and those close to him are going through. It is especially hard in this first year of 'firsts'. The first birthday without him. The first Christmas without him. No last day of school. No first day of school. No nothing. Just utter complete emptiness.

Though your pain will never completely go away, your beautiful memories of him will start to warm your hearts and the pain will begin to dull.

RIP Andrew Ortega. December 13, 1995 - December 30, 2010

Andrew and Nic

This is a video of Andrew and Nic. http://youtu.be/eqNmlIH8ERs I just love Andrew's smile at the end.

Mayberry Nativity

December 29, 2011

Speaking of Nativity scenes, this is Mayberry's (aka Clayton's) Nativity Scene downtown.

Nativity

I really don't know why Mary is smiling or why they're all so calm.

Nativity

People, you should be on your cell phones reporting the kidnapping. Can't you see there is no baby?!

Nativity

I don't know why this tickles me so. Well, you should know by now how easily amused I am. I think the story is that someone stole the baby a few years ago but for whatever reason, the city has not replaced it. Or will not? I suppose the ole sheriff and Barney Fife are waiting for guilt to overcome the thief and return it unharmed, eh? Then when the baby is returned, they will all sit around with Luanne and Gomer sipping pop and laughing over the needless worry, knowing all along the prankster would have returned it eventually.

Wait! Was that the same show? Oh never mind.

Dear Facebook

December 28, 2011

Dear Facebook,

Yes, Facebook, this is a Dear John Letter. I am breaking up with you. It's not you, it's me.

You were supposed to be fun and you were supposed to let me be silly with my friends, let me re-connect with old friends, long lost family and also keep an eye on my kids. You were going to help me know what's going on in their lives. But what's the point if they block you and you can't see what's going on anyway?

The more I'm with you, the sadder and lonelier I get. Again, it's not you, it's me.

Let me refocus my priorities and if it's meant to be, we'll be back together again.

Yours truly,

The Nerd

Amazing Parent

December 28, 2011

You know how your mother always told you if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything? I feel like lately, everything is so down that I don't even want to post. But then everything just isn't the amazing 'this' and amazing 'that' posted over on Facebook. On to my first in a series of downers.

There was a voicemail message from my dentist's office but since I had an appointment that week, I figured it was a friendly appointment reminder and didn't listen to the message.

I knew something was wrong when I walked into the office and Karen was not there. She has ALWAYS been there. Then I heard bits and pieces of conversations "cancer" "not hear anymore". What the heck was going on? Do you know what dread feels like? It feels like you are about to die, maybe by guillotine, where each action leading up to the actual beheading gets louder and louder. Dread.

When I asked my hygienist where Karen was, she replied that after what happened, she decided to retire. DREAD. What happened? She said, "OMG, don't you know?" DREAD. "Know WHAT?" "Dr. Holm died on Monday." DREAD. CHOP. HORROR. DISBELIEF. DENIAL.

How was that possible? He was my age. He was the nicest guy. He had the most loving relationship with his family. His bedside manner, the best. Since the moment I met him, I knew he must be so loved by his kids and wife as well as by his friends and colleagues and even patients. You could just tell by how highly he spoke of them, all the pictures all over his office and just how happy he was. He often shared stories of their adventures, especially boating.

Here's his obituary.


 

Scott Holm , DDS, Resident of Clayton
Scott Holm

Scott Allen Holm, 53, of Clayton was born in Fortuna, CA and died on December 12, 2011 in San Francisco surrounded by his loving family. Scott, a 1986 graduate of UCSF School of Dentistry, had a Dental Practice in Concord for 25 years. He was above all a family man, who enjoyed spending time with family and friends at Lake Englebright . Scott was proud of the fact that he could barefoot water ski and enjoyed days on the house boat. Many of his children's friends considered Scott a mentor and "Dad"!

Scott is survived by his wife of 28 years, Mary, daughters, Amy and Breanna, son, Christopher, parents, Duane and Carol Holm, brothers, Steve Holm, DDS and Stacey Holm, DDS and sister, Sheri Sampson as well as grandparents, George and Barbara Gillenwater. He was loved by his patients, friends and especially his family!

Funeral Liturgy will be on Friday, December 16, 2011 at 10AM at St. Bonaventure Church, 5562 Clayton Rd., Concord. Internment will be private. Memorials may be made to the Cancer Center Research, California Pacific Medical Center Foundation, P.O. Box 45902, San Francisco, CA 94145


I went to his service that Friday. Hundreds of family, friends, colleagues and patients where there. It was so painful to watch as his father shuddered with uncontrollable sobs, his mother consoling him. But the most touching part was when his three kids got up to say a few words about him. One daughter recanted how in school while all of her friends complained about what horrible fathers they had, she felt weird and out of place because she loved her dad and thought he was the best ever. His other daughter told stories of their warm family dinners and of his delightful humor, even until the very end. He joked that they would have to graft skin from his butt to his head where the incision would not heal and then he could be called a true 'Butthead'. His son spoke of how if he could only be half the husband, father and person his dad was, he would be still be way better than most.

Hearing his kids confirmed what I'd suspected; that they thought he was an amazing parent. Looking at their lives, I can't imagine that their life was much different than ours. A mom and dad who love each other, a dad who has a great job to provide well for his family, great family, good friends, family dinners...

I can't imagine that there was a time when these kids hated their parents. I can't imagine that they ever told their parents to fuck off and leave them alone, threw tantrums, destroyed things and did whatever they pleased.

If you have two parents who love each other, who try to protect their kids, who provide their kids with all the creature comforts you never had, who tried to teach them to be responsible, who never gave up on you, would you tell them to fuck off and leave you alone?

Now don't get me wrong. I couldn't be more grateful for my Cinderellaness. I have more than a person deserves having. I have the best Honey Bunch ever. I have four beautiful, smart, healthy children. It just isn't Facebook amazing all the time. I wish I had all the answers to being a good parent. I hope that it's not too late to become a good enough parent that when it comes time for my eulogy, my kids might have something nice to say about me.

Maybe that will be my New Year's resolution. To be a better parent. And to figure out, again, what I'm going to do when I grow up. (Check the Zumba page for another downer shortly.) Sorry.

Tomorrow is another day.

Heathens and Fags

December 14, 2011

When we lived on Santa Fe Avenue, my mother put together the most beautiful nativity scenes you'd ever set your eyes on. She got sod and made a beautiful, lush, rolling hillside, complete with tinsel as a waterfall. The manger was always on the hilltop and the Three Kings approached from afar as Joseph and Mary gazed at the beautiful Baby Jesus. Animals grazing, star shining. Her scenes were quite elaborate.

I was remembering these beautiful scenes the other day while Nat and I were shopping and it made me homesick for them and my mother. I said, "Nat, I think I'm going to get a Nativity Scene this year." She replied, "What's that?"

"You know. Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus? The whole reason for Christmas?"

Complete. And. Total. Blank. Stare.

Heathen.

Ay, ay, ay. Well, I guess it's kind of my (and by 'my' I mean 'me and my Honey Bunch') fault for not exposing our children to any sort of religion.

No, it's probably my (and by 'my' I mean 'me') fault. The heathenism in this family probably started back when I got kicked out of an all girls Catholic high school for being a fag.

Oh, have I not mentioned that?

Well, you see, I did not care for my Catholic school, Prisontation. There were so many reasons, too many to start listing here. Don't even get me started on inappropriate priests and other perverts hiding behind the cloth (no offense to the good ones - you know who you are!).

Anyway, my BFF (yes, you, Julie) and I wanted to go to the public school. Our mothers (RIP, Mary and Maria) would not let us so Julie and I decided to take matters into our own hands. How could we get kicked out? I know! Let's pretend we're fags (hey people, this WAS the 70's)! So we started pretending we were fags. We would stand by the lockers and put a hand between our mouths and pretend we were making out. We would do this when the known school snitch, who was a cute little Marcia Brady look alike, was in the vicinity. We did other things in front of her like hold hands at the lunch table and say, "You're such a fag!" In fact, most of the signatures in my yearbook, say things like, "Love you 4-ever, Sandy - a fellow fag." LOL!

Can you believe this worked?! They asked us not to return the following year! I don't think our mothers ever knew they asked us not to return because we were fags.

And speaking of things that make you go 'hmmmmm', I found this picture of said snitch on Classmates.

pf

Driving While Random

December 11, 2011

Weird things happen when I drive with my camera in my passenger seat or while I'm the passenger and have my camera. I take pictures of weird things that make me go, "Hmmmm?" (What ever happened to Arsenio Hall?) Anyway, I always wonder why these birdies sit on the lights near the McDonald's on Clayton Road. Why? Why just here? Hmmmm?

Driving While Random

Is this ancient thing really worth recycling? Hmmmm?

Driving While Random

Why? Why is there a pair of panty hose in the middle of my street? Hmmmm?

Driving While Random

I LOVE this tree! Not the same reaction I get with this tree (click here) that gives me Dendrophobia because I'm sure one of its giant limbs are going to fall on me and Silky while we're driving by. Hmmmm?

Driving While Random

I went to the dump with my Honey Bunch. I love the dump. I love that this Pay Phone (how old school is that?) is there. I wonder how many kids know what a Pay Phone is? Hmmmm?

Driving While Random

Once upon a time, my Honey Bunch was riding his bike up our hill. The HTIC (Head Turkey In Charge) of the neighborhood flock (herd? harem? school?) pecked at him as he went by on his bike. My Honey Bunch unclipped from his bike to defend himself from the HTIC. He picked up his bike and swung it at the Turkey, repositioning it like a shield. The Turkey, wings spread, flaps up and takes a step back but comes after my Honey Bunch again. This back and forth goes on for a while. My Honey Bunch notices a neighbor is watching with much amusement. There is no love loss between him and any turkey. This is a flock (herd? harem? school?) just missing Mr. Big's right front wheel. I wonder how many he has actually hit when I'm not in the car screaming, "Don't run over the turkeys!" Hmmmm?

Driving While Random

The following did not happen while driving. It's just random. Oh and by the way, I have already been sufficiently scolded for picture taking while driving. Anyway, I know this lady who took her kid to get tested for ADHD. They were sitting in the Psychiatrist's office, the Dr. explaining to her what ADHD was and how it caused people not to be able to focus. I think. Anyway, she could not for the life of her focus on what the Dr. was saying because she was so engrossed with his vast collection of Star Wars figurines. It was amazing! Covered his whole credenza. Look! Chewbaca!!!!!!!

Driving While Random

I wonder if that kid ended up being diagnosed with ADHD? Hmmmm?

Mom

December 5, 2011

When my mother died in 1995, I bought home some of her plants. This fellow is gigantic. He sits in my entry.

Plant

Yesterday, Nic pointed out a very sweet smell that we couldn't locate. We finally found the source. The plant was flowering!

Plant

In all the years I've had it, it has NEVER done this! Mom, were you reminding me to go to the cemetery and put some flowers on Baby's grave?

Plant

Thank you for the beautiful blooms, Mommy!

Baby

December 5, 2011

My brother, Baby, lost control of his motorcycle and died of his injuries 25 years ago. 1986. Wow! I can't believe 25 years have gone by. It still seems like just yesterday. It all comes rushing back; the call at work; the rushing to the hospital; the staff trying to find my mom or dad so that they could give permission to donate his organs.

Baby

Big sigh. At least his passenger, Fabian, survived. I've always been grateful for that. Rest in peace, Baby Brother. My heart still aches from losing you.

Jose Azael Ayala, Jr.
August 13, 1964 - December 5, 1986

The Infection

December 5, 2011

When Nat was 4, we got her ears pierced. Shortly thereafter, they got so badly infected, we took out the earrings and gave up on pierced ears for several years.

Nat

She got her ears pierced again in about the 7th grade. After begging and badgering for years, she got several piercings. We did not allow her to get the lip, eyebrow or the industrial piercing she wanted. We said absolutely no other (besides ear) body piercings while under our watch. She could do it when she moved out and we didn't have to take care of any infected or falling off body parts.

Nat

She started badgering about a belly piercing. Initially, we said absolutely not. Then, after continual badgering, we determined that it wasn't going to be unsightly (for future potential jobs) and that it might be OK. I finally told her I would pierce mine with her when I got to goal weight. After a year, I was close enough, it was her birthday and the constant badgering was wearing me down.

So we went and got our bellies pierced on September 30, 2011.

Nat

Cute.

Nat

Two months later, not so cute. She got a bump. Finally posted this and my Honey Bunch's Dr. sister said we should take her to see a doctor.

Nat

So we did. It was an abscess. The Dr. sliced it, drained it put a dressing on it, put her on antibiotics sent a culture to the lab to check for serious infection.

Nat

I was trying not to see anything so she wouldn't have to go find smelling salts for me.

Nat

Poor Durney.

Nat

Tuesday we go back and the Dr. will give us her recommendation on whether Nat should take the piercing out. I don't know why I didn't remember that she was prone to infections. Remember the 4 year old ear piercings?

Nat

And do you know what that little punk had the nerve to say to me? "It's YOUR fault. YOU let me get the piercing."

Aarrgghh!

Favorite Things

December 2, 2011

My post yesterday was so depressing that a few friends contacted me to see if I needed to be talked down off the ledge. I didn't. Just having one of those days. I'M ALL BETTER NOW! See my big cheesy smile?

Rosy's smile

Actually, that picture was taken at Pismo last year, but still. I also thought of my favorite things! They always make me happy. See the little song I wrote? Sing it to the melody of the Sound of Music's My Favorite Things. Go on. Try it!

My Favorite Things

Lina and Motsy and Chicky and Durney
Eme and Nena and Boobie and Little
Chacho engaged to a beautiful lady
These are a few of my favorite things

Dinners at Grandma's with pesky lab Cream Puff
Lisa and Kristin and George and Em-oly
Pencil nosed Penny still looking for treats
These are a few of my favorite things

Kids in their gadgets and iPods and Facebook
Deer that come looking for delicious peaches
Honey Bunch blue eyes that make my knees weak
These are a few of my favorite things

When the blues come
When they won't go
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

This was actually one of my mother's favorite songs. It always reminds me of her. And makes me cry. Damn it. Here we go again! OK, back to MY favorite things so I won't feel so bad....

 

P.S. Chicky is Nic. I don't know why.

P.S.S. I feel a theme for this year's Christmas letter coming on.

Decorated. Damn it.

December 1, 2011

Well, I decorated. My web page. That might be all I decorate. And why have there been Christmas decorations out since October? The pressure. Damn it.

I might have to re-send last year's Christmas Letter (click here to see). I don't know if I'll get around to anything Christmas this year. Damn it.

I am not in a great state of mind and many of the things swirling around in my head are probably better left unsaid. Damn it.

Maybe in my next life I will get it right. Damn it.

Maybe there's still hope in this one. Damn it.

I wonder if these guys are in their next lives? My brother would have been 50 today. Dying at 17 is just too young. Damn it.

RIP Ignacio (Nene) Ayala 12-1-61 to 5-11-79

Nene Ayala

Andrew would have just turned 16. 15 is way too young to die. Damn it.

Andrew Ortega

What could have been...

What should have been...

polaroid

My name is Rosy, Chacha, Meez, Mama, Mother...take your pick.

My loves are my Honey Bunch, my children, my family, friends and Zumba. My Zumba site:

Zumba Con Sabor


One of my favorite sites and one I'll be stealing...um...borrowing ideas from. (Hmmm. I already see my Nerd font is similar to hers. Hers is Edwardian Script and Mine is Beautiful ES.)

The Pioneer Woman


This blogger introduced me to the above blogger and to the blogging bug in general. Love her!

That Girl Blogs


The website of a very talented artist who happens to be my son.

Bounce


This is the website of a fellow Zumba enthusiast, Jessie Amato. Great site AND, she's been to my dad's hometown, Oxkutzcab, Yucatan, Mexico.

Bay Zumba


This is my nieces blog. She's cute: http://temptationofliving.tumblr.com/rosystraka.com needs a facelift and makeover. I'll be working on that, too.


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